Langs Banana Jamaican Rum. It’s been a while since we’ve reviewed anything Spiced or Flavoured. Whilst I tend not to buy much Spiced/Flavoured, unless I fancy it will be very popular for a review, I do still find the odd sample or two of Spiced/Flavoured rum comes my way.

Langs Banana Jamiacan Rum is brought to us by Ian McLeod Distillers. More famous in the Scotch Whisky world for bringing Tamdhu, Glengoyne and Smokehead to the market they do dabble in rum. Indeed they produce two pretty popular “dark” rum expressions in Watson’s Demerara and Trawler Rum.

You also may come across King Robert II blended rums on your travels. I’ve never seen the brand in the UK but have noted it in  Duty Frees in Cyprus and Greece. Langs Banana Jamaican Rum is said to be a revival of a popular Jamaican rum brand which was famous in the 1800’s. Apparently…….

There’s not a great deal of information out there surrounding Langs Jamaican Rum. It does appear that at some point rum was produced by this particular brand though.

In all honesty I tend not to focus too much on the history of rum. I’m more about the here and now. So I’m not going to worry much about it.

So let us instead take a look at the present day Langs Banana Jamaican Rum and see what its all about.

First up this isn’t an expensive or fancy brand. Ian McLeod stick to the bargain basement when it comes to rum and they certainly aren’t making any concessions with this brand. Langs Banana Jamaican Rum comes bottled at 37.5% ABV. The bare minimum allowable for a rum to be labelled as such, rather than a Spirit Drink. It is not unusual for Spiced/Flavoured rums to be bottled at this ABV.

There are a few Banana rums on the market at the moment. This one works out the cheapest. It is currently available at Master of Malt for £23.95. It was released sometime in late 2019 or early 2020 if memory serves me correctly. Since its introduction it has been followed by two further flavoured expressions. You can find more information on their website here.

I’ve got to say its entirely disappointing but not surprising to see a Jamaican Rum Brand introduced into the UK, that doesn’t even have a non-flavoured variant on offer.

Presentation wise Langs Banana Jamaican Rum comes in stubby bottle with a “sixties” style logo and yellow/black presentation. It prominently displays its “Jamaican Rum” heritage but I just find this to be further insult to injury to be honest. They are so proud of producing a Jamaican rum they haven’t even bothered releasing a non-flavoured variant to the market. Way to go guys.

I tested this through my hydrometer to see how much of the “natural ripe banana with hints of toffee” was present in this bottling and found my hydrometer bobbing at around the 25% ABV mark. Suggesting that in this 37.5% ABV spirits there are around 40g/L of “additives”. Whilst this is no surprise in the Spiced/Flavoured rum world I had hoped for a much lower reading. Perhaps a sense of a more authentic product. Never mind.

Such expectations are blunted even further when pouring this “rum” into the glass. Now I’m not suggesting I don’t like Toffee and in particular, I must say I was always rather fond of the Banana Flavoured Toffee which could be found in a packet of Toffo’s…………

BUT…………I really don’t want to feel like I’ve been dipped upside down in a massive vat of whatever the “essence” used to create those flavours was kept in……..

Langs Banana Jamaican Rum smells of Banana Toffo’s that have been dipped in sugar syrup, mixed with Candy Floss and those Fake Foam Bananas and then sprinkled with icing sugar.

I swear I could hear my future fillings saying hello……….

Basically the nose is sweet and synthetic. The nearest this rum has been to a banana is when the sugar cane used to produce it was growing the cane fields! Fake foam bananas and Banana Toffo’s. No trace of anything remotely rummy. This could be flavoured vodka and no-one would be any the wiser. Any trace of “Jamaican Rum” has gone for a Burton.

Sipped (well swallowed with a grimace) Langs Banana Jamaican Rum gets no better. It’s every bit as sweet as the nose suggests. It’s basically Banana Toffee flavoured water with a slight ethanol kick of something faintly boozy. There may be some Jamaican rum elements there – but they are just lost in the sugar assault. It all just tastes cheap and nasty to be honest.

I’ve mixed it (well tried to drown the bastard thing) with coke. If you want a really sugary fake banana flavoured Rum and Coke, its absolutely spot on. Much like if you want to use some really sharp sticks to poke your own eyes out with.

The very fact that this “rum” has produced two further variants in such a short space of time tells you all you need to know about the average “rum” drinker here in the UK. Basically a lot of more casual “rum” drinkers in the UK don’t actually know what rum tastes like. Partly because they just drink shit like this and think it’s “rum”. It’s tragic really. This is the type of garbage overly excited teenagers tell me “I’ve got to try” and at Rum Festivals.I usually just smile politely and thank them for their advice…….

I guess I probably sound like a bit of a snob but it is worrying how increasingly common it is for people to proclaim themselves as “Rum”, “Gin” or even (god bless them) “Vodka” drinkers yet they drink Spiced Rum, Strawberry Flavoured Gin and Lychee and Dragonberry Vodka. It’s a farce really and entirely of each categories own making.

If I had to some Langs Banana Jamaican Rum as anything other than shite I would contrast to the time I once worked out of Saturday overtime.

I can cope with a lot of things but not The Beautiful South’s Greatest Hits on repeat.

“Music for people who don’t really like music” was my leaving gambit

Langs Banana Jamaican Rum is here if you don’t like rum buy a truckload.