Ron de Jeremy XO

Ron de Jeremy XO Rum review by the fat rum pirateRon de Jeremy XO was released in the UK on the 26th October 2015.  With the original Ron de Jeremy and the Spiced variants already available, this “ron” is One Eyed Spirits’ attempt to break in the more “Premium” end of the market.

In the UK the market is saturated with “Premium” rums in the £35-55 price range.  Rums such as Pyrat XO. Diplomatico Reserva Exclusiva, Ron Zacapa et al.

When the original Ron de Jeremy was released it was widely seen as a gimmick.  Little was expected of the rum inside and it was largely ridiculed or ignored by the more serious rum aficionados.  For those who did give the rum a fair go they found an altogether quite pleasant 7 year old rum from Panama.  Blended under the expertise of non other than Master Distiller Don Pancho (who can put his name to several “Premium” rums now).

The name is a pun on the Spanish word for rum – “ron” and whilst it was less than subtle, for those who are aware exactly who Ron Jeremy is – the packaging was subtle enough not to offend those who didn’t know!  They saved any tacky double entendres for the “Hardcore Spiced” rum!

All in all One Eyed Spirits had surprised the market and not only were they putting out a rum which could be respected but also one which would appeal to a certain demographic and sell very well!  Is it amusing to see Ron Jeremy behind the bar? Of course it is.

The XO version is already the brands best seller.  The sleek black rubber lined bottle (think Dictador) screams out “Premium” and the solid canister adds an extra touch.  A nice cork stopper.  All boxes checked and no double entendres needed if you didn’t know who Ron was you probably would think he was some Spanish War Hero or something.  The image is of THAT Che Guevara (okay ignore Jeremy pudgy face) image.

Retailing at around £45 for a 70cl 40% ABV bottle this is priced very nicely to become a big seller.  Expensive enough to suggest premium but not to expensive that those buying it will shirk at the price.  The 15 Years is noted prominently despite this being a Solero rum.  Those buying will mostly neither care nor have any idea what this means.

As you may be able to tell from the tone of this review, I am not impressed by this rum.  In fact I’m annoyed by it.

Ron de Jeremy XO is a blend of rum from Barbados (Foursquare) , Guyana (DDL), Jamaica (various distilleries) and Trinidad (Angostura).  So it has a good a rum base as you could expect really.  The ages of the rums in the blend haven’t been revealed and in many ways it doesn’t really matter (you will understand why when the review is finished!).

ron-bottle

This rum is bottled at 40% ABV when I ran a Hydrometer Test I was staggered by the result. The ABV came in at just 8%.  Which using the Hydrometer Method gives us a frankly ridiculous reading of 98 g/L of added sugar.

I’ll simplify things in case those readings don’t seem alarming or people want to try and justify things.  It is unlikely, actually make that impossible for any rum to have any more than 5g/L of sugar/additives due solely to ageing in oak barrels.  In fairness One Eyed Spirits admit that this rum has added sugar.  A 330ml serving of regular Coca Cola has 37 grams of sugar – so lets do some simple mathematics.

98 g/L equates to 68 grams of sugar per 70cl bottle of Ron de Jeremy XO a 70cl bottle of Coca Cola would contain 78 grams of sugar.

So why has an Extra Old “Premium” rum been loaded with so much sugar?  Simple really – because this kind of rum sells.  Sweet and smooth equals premium rum.

Bollocks – if you ever attend a Drinks Fair or Festival always be aware of the Rum Ambassador who focuses on how sweet and smooth their rum is.  They don’t now their arse from their elbow when it comes to rum.  Just the marketing razzamatazz they have been handed to promote the latest concoction.

Up until encountering this rum Bacardi’s Carta Fuego – which is actually a Spiced rum, (not marketed as a premium sipper) topped the Hydrometer Chart at 92g/L.

Perhaps the most disappointing thing about this whole epsiode is the fact they had (without me knowing too much about the actual rums admittedly) – a decent base.  Rum from Foursquare, DDL and Angostura three of the most recognised and respected rum producers in the world.  Yet some clown (or clowns) decided that what those rums needed was Coca Cola levels of sugar to make them palatable to their target audience.  I also wonder at what point did they decide they had added enough sugar?  Was 40 g/L not causing enough potential cavities? 75 g/L not quite smooth enough to coat the entire throat with sucrose?

My tasting notes are probably pretty pointless after my rant so far but we’ll do them anyway.

In the glass the rum presents itself as a very dark almost mahogany dark brown.  I suspect the hue on this rum is about as natural as Madge’s off Benidorm.  Caramel as well as added sugar.  Casting further doubt on how old this rum really is.

The nose is actually quite strange. It smells like no rum I’ve ever encountered before.  It’s surprisingly not as sweet smelling as I was expecting in fact it smells a little of stewed almost overripe fruits – Banana maybe, stewed Apples.  There’s also an odd almost Port or Sherry like note to it maybe a cheap Harvey’s Bristol Cream type wine like note.  It doesn’t smell like rum.  No oak, no spice, no Vanilla notes, no Jamaican funk, no Demerara sugar and raisin. Nothing which the rums in the blend would have suggested!

In the mouth this sherried wine like note takes over completely.  It tastes like a very cheap red wine dosed with sugar.  It has bitter elements to it.  There is a slight hint of oak and spice in the finish but even that is badly altered by the amount of sugar that has been added to this rum.

It’s difficult to take tasting notes on this rum as its so one dimensional so geared towards being sweet and smooth.  Actually despite all its saccharin sweetness it doesn’t really deliver a particularly smooth experience.  The sugar makes it instantly very dry on the palate and slightly sticky.

This is a catastrophic fuck up by those responsible for the blending.  No doubt like countless other shit “rums”, it well sell by the bucketload.  No doubt the faux reviewers will lap up their free samples and give it high praise indeed.

Let them get on with it but if you buy this you only have yourself to blame! Filth on and in the bottle!

0.5 stars

 

 

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